A Discounted Friend
by WasteNoTime
Summary: 3 times Kurt made fun of Blaine's groceries and 1 time he comforted him


Hi, everyone!

Kudos to my friend _framby_ who prompted me to write this little drabble. And also a big thank you to _Ascendead Master_ who is very awesome and had to put up with my craziness. You two rock!

Well, I hope you enjoy this story :)

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**1. Umbrella and dark chocolate**

Kurt Hummel always hated rainy weather. It meant that his shoes would get wet and he would have to avoid puddles on the ground, sometimes near impossible to round. It would make the ground muddy and sometimes little pieces of mud would make their way onto the back of his pants. It was plain awful. But it wasn't until he got a job in a small grocery store in New York that he learned how awful rainy weather really was.

Rain meant that people's shoes would be dirty and it would make his cleaning duty much less pleasant than it already was.

It was pouring throughout the whole Tuesday and Kurt made a game of it – he counted how many umbrellas and raincoats would be bought of him. It was nearing the end of his shift and it was twenty one and eight respectively.

Kurt had just cleaned the floor around the store when the automatic door opened and he saw yet another completely soaked customer coming it. He was dripping water and Kurt was sure even the man's underwear was wet. Kurt would have felt sorry for him if he wasn't working that day.

Just like Kurt thought, the man went straight to the umbrellas and picked out one, the brightest green that ever existed.

Mr Umbrella-Number-Twenty-Two made his way to the cash desk were Kurt was sitting and handed the umbrella to him, successfully dripping some water on the cashier's hand.

"Horrible weather, huh?" the man said with a smile that wasn't contagious enough to make Kurt smile in return as his irritation grew stronger.

"Wouldn't be as horrible if you were prepared for it," Kurt said and scanned the item. "I heard of this awesome thing called weather forecast. Ever heard of it?"

"I have," the man nodded and looked at the register to see how much to pay since Kurt wasn't saying anything about his total. "You see, I left my umbrella somewhere… I think it might be my History class… or was it English? I might have left it on the subway. I don't remember."

Kurt rolled his eyes and grabbed a dark chocolate bar from the counter and scanned it. "Here, dark chocolate is said to improve memory. Your total is seven dollars."

"Oh, thanks," the man smiled and gave him a tenner. Kurt slowly counter the change and gave him three one dollar bills. "Thank you. Have a nice day… Kurt."

"I'll try," Kurt mumbled and the man left him with another customer.

**2. Flowers and mints**

_Fifteen more minutes_, Kurt looked at his wrist watch and served yet another customer.

_Thirteen more minutes_, an old lady, their regular, left with dog food for her cat.

_Ten more minutes_, a drunken man who spent his time on the bench nearby bought a bottle of their cheapest beer.

_Seven more minutes_, he yawned and sold a bag of candies to some kid.

_Five more minutes_, another pimpled teenager tried to buy alcohol.

_Four more minutes_, the same drunk came in trying to buy more alcohol, obviously for the teen.

_Two more minutes_, Kurt finally saw the girl who was supposed to replace him going into the staff room.

_Ten more seconds_, he counted backwards and made a happy dance in his mind.

Kurt stood up and was about to leave when another costumer ran up to him. He was way too cheerful for Kurt's liking.

"Hey… Kurt! How are you this wonderful evening?" he asked reading his name tag and Kurt vaguely remembered the guy from last week.

"Not as good as you are," he said and took the bouquet of seven red roses. "What's the occasion?"

The man beamed, hardly able to hold it together. "I'm going on a date tonight. This guy from my class asked me out and I'm going to pick him up now. I thought I would bring him flowers to, you know, show him I'm a romantic type."

"Is _he_ romantic?" Kurt asked and held the flowers, not making a move to scan them.

"I'm not sure," the man thought. "Maybe?"

"Alright… So this is your first date?"

The man nodded.

"And you are bringing him red roses that basically mean passionate love?"

The man's smile faltered. "Well, they are pretty. I always like roses…"

"Is it possible that you are doing something that you would like the other guy to do for you?" Kurt asked.

"I never thought about it," the man bit his bottom lip, thinking hard.

"Hm, okay take these roses back and bring that small bouquet of sunflowers. It matches your personality," Kurt ordered him and the man complied. Soon he came back with the bouquet Kurt had suggested. "Are you expecting kissing by the end of the evening?"

The man blushed slightly and watched Kurt scan the flowers' price tag. "I'm hoping at least…"

Kurt grabbed a pack of mints and scanned them as well. "You might need these then."

"You are right," the man smiled at him gratefully. He looked up his total and paid the exact amount. "Have a nice evening, Kurt."

"I'll try," Kurt said and finally he was free to go home.

**3. Condoms and cucumbers**

Kurt hadn't seen the smiley stranger for over two weeks. He almost forgot how the other man looked like when he made another appearance.

It was nearing midday so it meant Kurt's lunch hour, which he was looking forward to. He had packed chicken salad much to his roommate's disdain and his mouth watered at a mere thought about it. He was about to ask another cashier to cover for him when he saw the familiar face and purposefully waited until the man got to the cash desk.

When he saw Kurt his face burnt red and he wondered what it was about. It wasn't until he saw what the man had in his hand that he understood why he looked so embarrassed.

The man cleared his throat and handed a box of condoms to Kurt. "Hi, Kurt," he smiled at him uncomfortably.

"Hey there, someone is eager. Extra-large, huh?" Kurt eyed the box. "Are you sure you this is the right size?"

"I don't know," the man blushed even harder if it was possible. "I started dating this guy and we got to the, _you know_ part and we were talking about taking things further but he said he was too big for condoms so I thought maybe he hasn't tried extra-large ones yet."

Kurt gave him an incredulous look. "Okay, look at your foot."

The man gave him a confused look. "Which one?"

"Whichever."

"Alright," the man said and looked down. "What now?"

"Is this guy's dick bigger than your foot?" Kurt asked amused.

The man shook his head in horror and looked back at Kurt. "I've never seen a cock that big. Not even in porn…"

"Neither have I," Kurt admitted. "Okay, go to the vegetable section and bring me a cucumber of the size of your boyfriend's dick."

The man did as asked and came back with two cucumbers. "Um, I didn't find the identical one… He is as long as this one and as thick as this one."

"Alright," Kurt said and went to the intimacy section. He came back with regular size condoms. "These will fit."

"Oh, thank you so much," the man smiled brightly.

"Sure," Kurt said and scanned the box. He then weighed the cucumbers and added that to the man's total.

"I– I don't need those."

"Of course you do. Cancel on your boyfriend, go home, put one condom on the cucumber of your choice, put some lube on it and stick it up your ass. I'm sure it will give you more pleasure than your selfish boyfriend who only cares about his own pleasure and who is a walking bag of STD's."

The man looked taken aback and threw some bills on the counter. "You don't know him," he spat and left with the condoms, the cucumbers left behind.

**1. Ice-cream and a discounted friend**

It was Kurt's last day before his week off and he couldn't wait for his shift to be over. He would be able to go home and not leave his bed for the whole week. He would only live on take-away's so he wouldn't have to cook unless his roommate cooked for him which was unlikely.

He was daydreaming about having a marathon of _Doctor Who_ when someone placed three big tubs of ice-cream in front of him.

"Whoa, having a party tonight?" Kurt laughed and began to scan the tubs.

"No, just me," a small voice came and the cashier looked up to see the man, who was normally smiling, standing there with puffy red eyes.

"You know, you will get a stomach ache from all this," Kurt said and didn't scan the rest of the tubs.

"I don't care."

"Are you alright?" Kurt asked and cringed at his own words – of course he wasn't alright.

The man simply shrugged and said nothing. Kurt looked at his wrist watch to see he could leave.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I walked in on my boyfriend getting fucked by our professor," he said and a lonely tear escaped his eyes.

"You know, the ice-cream we sell here suck," he said and cancelled the scanned item. "There is a very nice coffee shop nearby and their pistachio ice-cream is to die for. Let's go. We will talk about something funny or laugh at how small your ex's dick is. I won't let you have a pity party."

The man looked at him confused. "Why would you do that?"

"Well, today we have friends and best friends on sale and I think you are in need of one. I'll even give you an additional discount since you are my favourite customer," Kurt said and went around the cash desk. He extended his hand for the man to shake. "I'm Kurt as you know already."

"Blaine," the man said and finally his signature smile appeared on his face as he shook Kurt's hand. "I'd love to have you as my friend."

"So, ice-cream now?" Kurt took Blaine's hand and pulled him gently.

"Ice-cream."

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**AN: Please, review :)**


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